What REALLY happened in The Cay
by Greeneyed Monster
Summary: *sniff* i'm so happy! new people are reading and reviewing my story! anyways, it's a parody of "the cay" i don't think i need to add more
1. Default Chapter

Waaaaaaaaayle. I was looking through all my old school assignments and I cam across  
  
this story I had started in sixth grade. I had been forced to read "The Cay" (it really  
  
wasn't that bad) and I decided to make a little fanfic about it. It was, of course, extremely  
  
stupid, as I don't like writing serious stories, and I nearly died from laughing at the page  
  
long start of my story. I didn't finish it then, so I am finishing it now but I am going to re-  
  
Chapter One: The Nazi Crabs Attack Phillip's Home ^^ heh. crabs scare me.  
  
Once upon a time, there was this little dude named Phillip, a skinny little kid who thought  
  
he was a big tough grown-up. He was living on an island of some kind with his mother  
  
and father during World War II His father worked in the oil business. One day, his  
  
mother called him into the kitchen.  
  
Phillip: *tap dances into kitchen*  
  
Phillip's Mom: Phillip, as you know, the Nazi Crabs have been attacking all ships that  
  
leave this island.  
  
Phillip: Yeah, I know. *thinks about the boats of the Nazi Crabs that he saw farther out in  
  
the harbor*  
  
Phillip's Mom: Well, your father wants us to leave.  
  
Phillip: But WHY!?!?  
  
Phillip's Mom: Because it's getting too dangerous for us to stay here! They keep flying  
  
over the island and trying to bomb us!  
  
Phillip: *sighs. remembers seeing the Crabs in their planes flying over his house* Fine.  
  
*tap dances back out of the room*  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Phillip and his mommy board a boat and head off to America where they will be safe.  
  
The boat gets past all the Nazi Crab boats and the Crabs shake their pinchers in fury at  
  
them, their buggy eyes glaring. Phillip's boat for a reason I can't remember sinks and he  
  
and his mother rush to the safety of the life-rafts.  
  
Phillip's Mother: Come on, Phillip! We need to get into a life-raft!  
  
Phillip: OKAY!!! ( *)_(* ) *runs with mother toward life- rafts*  
  
Phillip is hit over the head with something and he gets knocked out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Phillip: *wakes up on a raft with a crazy-looking old black guy and a demonic-looking  
  
cat* Where am I?  
  
Crazy-looking Old Black Guy: You're on a raf'! I'm Timoty! You was hit on de 'ed by a  
  
fallin' beam o' wood and was knocked out! I saved you, young boss! SQWEEEEEEE-  
  
CHEESE!!!!!  
  
----Author's note: I'm not racist, Timothy really did talk like this (not the  
  
'sqweeeee-cheese' part, obviously).  
  
Phillip: *looks over at cat* Who's this? *cat notices that Phillip is talking about him and  
  
hisses*  
  
Timothy: Dat be Stoo Citty!  
  
Stoo Citty: *yowls*  
  
Phillip: uuumm. okay.  
  
Timothy: *stares at Phillip* Stoo Citty is one of Them!!!!!  
  
Phillip: E?  
  
Timothy: Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem.  
  
Phillip: Uhhhh-huuuuh. *edges away from Timothy*  
  
Timothy: *sticks hand in water, pulls out a rock; puts in mouth, chews. continues to stare  
  
at poor Phillip*  
  
Phillip: Sooooooo. *tries to break the extremely uncomfortable silence* What's that  
  
cat's problem, anyway?  
  
Timothy: *continues chewing rock* Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem.  
  
Phillip: Ooookaaaaaay. *decides to stop attempting conversation*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next day was much the same as this one.  
  
Phillip: Do you have any idea where we are?  
  
Timothy: We be in de ocean!  
  
Phillip: Well, yeah. I figured that out for myself.  
  
Timothy: *stares at Phillip* 'Ave you ever been down dere *points thumb downward at  
  
the ocean* for a chat wit de beeg clam Oogaboo?  
  
Phillip: Nooooo. Have you?  
  
Timothy: Oh, yes. Many a time I 'ave visited me old fr'en Oogaboo. I stay down dere for  
  
many an hour!  
  
Phillip: I'm sure you do.  
  
Timothy: I also invented de ocean!  
  
Phillip: Yup.  
  
Timothy: I reememba dat day! I was goin' for a sweem, when I re'lized dat dere was no  
  
watah to sweem een, so I invented de ocean! Den-  
  
Phillip: I think I'll go back to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Phillip wakes up the next day to discover that he's blind.  
  
Phillip: AHHH!! Timothy! I'm blind!!!  
  
Timothy: *is facing the other direction watching the pretty lil fishies hungrily* Mebee  
  
you just 'ave yer 'at ovah you eyes. I did dat meself, once!  
  
Phillip: I DON'T HAVE A HAT!!!!  
  
Timothy: Then mebee it be your blankets. *catches one of the fish deftly with his bare  
  
hands. Turns around and throws at Phillip, who is waving his hand frantically in front of  
  
his face* You can 'ave thees feesh. I will cath anodder one for meself.  
  
Phillip: *fish smacks him in the face because his is blind and (obviously) can't catch it*  
  
OW!! What was that!?!?!  
  
Timothy: I gave you a feesh to eat, but you let it get away!  
  
Phillip: I did NOT let it get away!!!! I've gone blind and I can't see anything!!!!  
  
Timothy: Mebee you 'ave your blanket ovah your eyes.  
  
Phillip: I DO NOT HAVE A BLANKET OVER MY EYES!! DO YOU SEE A  
  
BLANKET ANYWHERE NEAR ME?!?  
  
Timothy: No, but it could be invisible!  
  
Phillip: (sarcastic) Oh, yes. That's it. I carry invisible blankets and I put them over my  
  
eyes so that I can't see anything because I think it's funny!!!  
  
Timothy: See? Exactly what I said!  
  
Phillip:AAAAHHRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!  
  
Timothy: Lemme test to see eef you really be blind. *picks up Stoo Citty by the tail and  
  
chucks him at Phillip's face. The cat hits him with a cross between a hiss and a screaming  
  
yowl* Yup! You be blind!  
  
******************** YAY!!! How did you like it? It'll get funnier as time goes by, I promise. 


	2. Stoo Citty's Mental Health

Next chappie! Yay! Happiness is exploding like loose landmines everywhere you go!!!  
  
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Now, on with the story!  
  
OH! Crap! Btw, I forgot to say that I do NOT own "The Cay" or the author who wrote it!  
  
CHAPTER TWO: Stoo Citty's Mental Health  
  
OFFICIAL SOUNDING MALE VOICE: Previously on "What REALLY happened in  
  
"The Cay"":  
  
*scene shows a woman crying hysterically*  
  
WOMAN: Oh, Bob, why did you leave me for Cindy?!?  
  
BOB: I didn't want to, it's just that-  
  
OFFICIAL SOUNDING MALE VOICE: WRONGE FOOTAGE, YOU STOOPIDS!!!  
  
ANOTHER MALE VOICE: Sorry, John.  
  
*scene shows Phillip and his mommy running for the safety of the life- rafts*  
  
PHILLIP'S MOM: Come on, Phillip! We need to get into a life-raft!  
  
PHILLIP: OKAY!!! ( *)_(* )  
  
*Phillip and his mother run toward the life rafts. Phillip is hit by a falling beam of wood.  
  
scene changes to Phillip talking to Timothy on the life-raft*  
  
TIMOTHY: You're on a raf'! I'm Timoty! You was hit on de 'ead by a fallin' beam o'  
  
wood and was knocked out! I saved you, young boss! SQWEEEEEEEEEE-CHEESE!  
  
*scene changes to Phillip talking to Timothy in a frantic voice*  
  
PHILLIP: AHH! Timothy! I'm blind!!!  
  
*dramatic music*  
  
*scene shows Phillip mopeing on the raft*  
  
TIMOTHY: Why so down, Pheeleep?  
  
PHILLIP: Weeeeell, lets see: my boat was wrecked, I've lost my mother, I'm on a raft  
  
floating in the middle of god-knows what ocean with a crazy old man who thinks he  
  
invented the ocean-  
  
TIMOTHY: And de air!  
  
PHILLIP: -and the air, along with a demonic cat, my hair is messed up and I haven't put  
  
on makeup in, like, FOREVER; and, to top it off, I'm BLIND!!!!  
  
TIMOTHY: Mebee you jes' 'ave your blanket ovah your eyes.  
  
PHILLIP: How many time do I have to tell you, I don't have any blankets!!!  
  
TIMOTHY: Why don't we jes' test? *reaches for Stoo Citty*  
  
PHILLIP: You are NOT going to throw Stoo Citty at me!  
  
TIMOTHY: *looks sulky* Fine, then.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*scene shows Phillip and Timothy asleep on the raft, it goes over to Stoo Citty, who is  
  
watching them with contempt*  
  
STOO CITTY: (muttering) Stupid humans. If I get thrown one more time, I'll kill both  
  
of them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*scene shows Timothy and Phillip on the raft the next moring; Stoo Citty is cleaing  
  
himself and muttering under his breath*  
  
TIMOTHY: Pheeleep!!!! I see lan'!  
  
PHILLIP: What direction?  
  
TIMOTHY: It's right in front of us!  
  
PHILLIP: I CAN'T SEE!!! .  
  
TIMOTHY: I will get out and pull us to the shore.  
  
PHILLIP: Ok.  
  
TIMOTHY: *jumps in water* HEHEHEE!! WHEEE!!!! *sings* I've got a loverly bunch  
  
of coconuts!! There they are, a'standing in a row! *contines*  
  
PHILLIP: Gawd. How long am I going to be stuck with this weirdo? -.-  
  
STOO CITTY: *looks over at Phillip, continues washing*  
  
*scene shows Timothy pulling the raft onto the shore with Phillip and Stoo Citty on it*  
  
TIMOTHY: We be here!!  
  
PHILLIP: FINALLY!! *crawls off raft*  
  
TIMOTHY: WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?!?! DON'T LAY IN THAT NICE, CLEAN DIRT  
  
WITH YOUR DISGUSTINGNESS!!! @_o  
  
PHILLIP: *looks freaked* OK! OK! I'M SORRY! O.O  
  
TIMOTHY: You'd bettah be.  
  
*coconut flies through the air form a nearby tree and hits Timothy in the head*  
  
TIMOTHY: @_@.  
  
*psychotic laughter*  
  
PHILLIP: Umm. Timothy?  
  
*coconut flies through the air and hits Phillip in the head*  
  
PHILLIP: @_@.  
  
******************** Yeesh. I still need to work on the funny parts. I'm just not feeling very hyper. Anyways, R&R! *corn cob comes out and dances* 


	3. Dr Squishy and Assistant Splat

Yet another chapter of my wonderful story! So happy! And kind of amazed that I wrote  
  
two of the chapters in one day. maybe it was all of the mini Reeses Peanut Butter  
  
cups I ate earlier. Who knows?  
  
Oh, and I do NOT own the book "The Cay", any of the characters in it, nor do I own Igor  
  
from Young Frankenstein, or Young Frankenstein. In other words, I don't own very  
  
Much. Aaah, well.  
  
CHAPTER THREE: Dr. Squishy and Assistant Splat  
  
Timothy and Phillip wake up in an big, cave-like room with various instruments of  
  
torture, bound head to foot. Stoo Citty is not in the room with them.  
  
PHILLIP: Wh-what happened?  
  
TIMOTHY: Well, I reckon it went a bit like thees: was was a strollin' troo de desert,  
  
when a large, desert penguin came up to us and-  
  
PHILLIP: Oh, nevermind!  
  
The door at the other side of the room opens and an odd figure wearing a doctor's coat  
  
covered in blood shuffles in.  
  
ODD FIGURE: Heh. Heh. How lucky for me that you landed on my island! Now I  
  
can discover the wonders of the human body! *stops so that he is just in the shadows*  
  
PHILLIP: Aren't YOU a human?  
  
ODD FIGURE: NO! I am a pig-infested shrubbery! You may call me Dr. Squishy.  
  
PHILLIP: Dr. Squishy?  
  
DR. SQUISHY: Yes. 'Squishy' as in the way cow brains feel when you squeeze them. Or  
  
any brains, for that matter. Anyway! I shall commence the study of the human body!  
  
Assistant Splat! Come in here!!  
  
PHILLIP: Splat?!  
  
DR. SQUISHY: YES!!! 'Splat' as in the sound intestines make when they hit the floor  
  
after being drooped from a distance!  
  
PHILLIP: I'm sure you know more about that stuff then I do, so I won't argue.  
  
The door at the other side of the room opens again, this time a really short figure enters.  
  
DR. SQUISHY: Ah! Assistant Splat! I trust you brought the diagram paper?  
  
ASSISTANT SPLAT: Yeeeeeeees master! (think, Igor from Young Frankenstein) *pulls  
  
a roll or barge pieces of paper out of nowhere* Here! *hands to Dr. Squishy*  
  
DR. SQUISHY: Excellent! Let us begin! *he puts diagram paper on a writing desk that,  
  
just like the diagram paper, appears out of no where; he sits down and begins to draw*  
  
ASSISTANT SPLAT: Heh. *slouches over to the table that Timothy and Phillip are  
  
tied up on and stares avidly at them, while rubbing his hands* You know what we're  
  
gonna do to you?  
  
PHILLIP: Well, as I've never been dissected, I wouldn't know.  
  
ASSISTANT SPLAT: *continues talking as though he Phillip didn't even respond* First,  
  
we're gonna draw you all normal like, then we're gonna draw you holding a kumkwat,  
  
then we're gonna cut you open and looks at all your squishies-  
  
PHILLIP: I could live with that, there are worse ways to go, I guess.  
  
ASSISTANT SPLAT: Then we're gonna dress you up in pink bikinis with and put  
  
eye shadow on you and draw you like that!  
  
PHILLIP: But! Those colors clash, which is a fashion no-no! AAAAHHHH!! *breaks  
  
free from ropes with superhuman strength brought on only by the threat of either death or  
  
being forced to wear eye shadow that clashes with your outfit* Come on, Timothy!  
  
*picks up Timothy with same superhuman strength and runs off with him out a door  
  
opposite the one Dr. Squishy and Assistant Splat came through*  
  
DR. SQUISHY: Hey! Wait! You can't just leave!!  
  
Phillip slams the door behind him and locks it with a key that just happened to be in the  
  
lock. He then puts Timothy down on the floor and unties him.  
  
PHILLIP: Okay, Timothy! We're going to have to split up! We have a better chance of  
  
getting out of here alive if we travel alone.  
  
TIMOTHY: Whatever you say, young boss!  
  
Timothy and Phillip go down different tunnels. Phillip takes the right, Timothy takes the  
  
left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ahhh, the fun a mad scientist and his assistant can add to a story! Anyhoo, R&R! 


End file.
